Tuesday Tip: Back from vacation (and the inevitable arguments)
Here's 7 real life ways I handled my kids arguing
Dear Calm & Confident Parents,
We just got back from a long weekend in Atlanta visiting family (and helping my sister find her wedding dress!). I LOVE traveling, and it has gotten SO MUCH easier with "medium-aged" kids (hang in there parents of littles).
However, the one thing everyone can expect on family trips is sibling arguing. Please respond to this email and tell me your secrets if you've ever had a squabble-free trip with more than one child.
Between the tighter living quarters, schedules that are a bit wonky, and lots of extra decisions (and differing opinions)… not to mention all the opportunities for "me first" (getting on the plane, pushing elevator buttons, ordering ice cream). Arguments are going to happen.
And don't get me wrong, it can be super frustrating and triggering. Here you are spending all this money, planning all these fun activities, and you STILL have to listen to fighting? Sometimes I’ve wished that we just stayed home.
But here's a reframe:
Instead of "arguments" or "fighting," let's call it conflict. And since we know life is full of conflict, this is great practice for kids to learn conflict resolution.
My Top 7 Ways to Navigate Conflict Resolution Between Kids:
1. Prep as much as possible
I try to anticipate some of the arguments that are going to come up and have them hash it out before there's time urgency (and more frustration involved). This means figuring out who gets the window seat on the plane, how they're going to share technology, etc. BEFORE we even get to the airport. Why is this helpful? Because of the next tip.
2. Help them figure out the problem, then let THEM solve it
When you have plenty of time, it's easier to stay out of the problem-solving process. Once you've helped them define the problem (you both want to sit by the window), you can express confidence that they can find a solution that works for both of them.
3. Offer suggestions when needed
If necessary, chime in with a few things "you've seen other kids do," and ask if they think any of those ideas would work for them. Example, “I know some kids like to let one kid have the window on the way there, and the other kids on the way home. Would that work?”
4. Practice with younger kids
Act out the scenarios, practicing how things will go for the real thing.
5. Build in "breaks" during the actual vacation
There was definitely a point where my kids were just pushing each other's buttons because they had been around each other too much. At this point, we separated them for a bit and let each read a book and have some downtime. Everything went much smoother once they were back together.
6. Don't forget to have fun!
Sometimes when everyone is cranky, the best thing you can do is something unexpected or silly. Vacations are a great opportunity to switch things up. Maybe order food to go and eat it picnic-style in your hotel room. Or eat dessert before dinner.
7. When all else fails, find a playground
This almost always works as a reset for my kids, and it's so fun to explore playgrounds in different cities.
I would love for you to comment and tell me:
What would you add to my list?
What are you going to try next time?
I'm here in support of you, and you can do this!
P.S. If you feel like there's no way these tips would be enough to help with your kids' conflicts, set up a free 15-minute call and I'll help give you more support. I promise you're not alone! [Check my schedule here], or hit reply to this email and let me know you want to set up a call.